that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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