was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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