fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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