When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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