I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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