Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
