Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
