Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
