I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Randomize
