You made me cry and you don't even care
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
