Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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