That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i drank out of a bidet.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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