Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
