I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize