She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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