also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
