I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize