you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
