Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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