Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
