his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
