i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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