bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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