Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
