Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
