We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
