I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
