I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
