Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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