I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
