yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
