Your tits are I can't wait for
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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