i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
