Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just gift wrapped bread.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
