He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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