someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
