Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
