3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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