They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
