I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
