That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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