my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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