the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
