She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
