this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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