I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The adults are the big ones right?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
