o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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