Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
