Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The Olympian is in my bed
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
