Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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