Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You have to summon your inner elephant
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize