i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize