I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
