I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
