genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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