shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
