My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
