I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
