She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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