Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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