Redeem this text for a blowjob
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he fucked my hip out of place.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
