We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
