Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
