I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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