I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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