apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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