i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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