You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
