Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
