Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
