I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
