Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she looked like the before picture.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize