We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
