Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
