so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
