I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize