You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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