i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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