The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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