I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
