i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
