I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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