yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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