so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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