I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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