Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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