He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
