...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
