we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
