Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
