Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
