Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
