We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
