It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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